If you really want to be happy, you need to be happy with who you are – you need to love yourself. But knowing self-love when you see it – or feel it – may not be as straightforward as it seems. People who talk about their many gifts and accomplishments do not necessarily love themselves. And people who go about their daily life quietly and with humility may be filled with self-love.
So, what does self-love look like?
Here are 3 qualities you might expect to see in people who love themselves:
1. Think positively of themselves: People who love themselves hold a positive image of themselves. They do not need to prove their self-worth to themselves or others.
Many people are hesitant to experience themselves in a positive light, fearing that it would make them self-centered and selfish. This is simply not true. You deserve love just as much as anyone else.
2. Accept personal imperfection: Humans are, by nature, imperfect. People who love themselves understand this and genuinely view themselves positively even as they face their weaknesses and mistakes.
3. Are resilient after difficulties: Because they accept their humanity, they feel empathy and compassion for their own struggles. This perspective supports them during troubled times, enabling them to accept support and help from others, and to do what is necessary move forward.
Self-love is not like a race with a finish line. It is a way of viewing yourself and living your life. If you struggle with loving yourself, you might find it helpful to practice viewing others from a loving perspective. Think about someone you care about and respect. Imagine (or remember) them showing a weakness, like inappropriately snapping at you, or failing at something, like losing their job. Take a bird’s eye view of that person, seeing the problem in context and noting how they are so much more that this problem. Allow yourself to empathize with, and have compassion for, their struggle. Now practice doing the same with yourself. Some people find it helpful to imagine a friend facing the very problems that they are facing – they can experience compassion for their friend in a way they don’t do for themselves. Then they can apply this way of thinking and feeling to themselves.
Another exercise that can help nurture your self-love is thinking about things that make you feel good about you. Importantly, you are not just looking for activities that feel good, but rather ones that leave you with a positive experience of yourself. They might include cooking for others, expressing yourself artistically, or meditating. Next, make these things a regular part of your life. By engaging in these activities frequently, you are nurturing and reinforcing self-love.
At center of self-love are self-acceptance and self-compassion. When you see people who possess these qualities, you know that they love themselves. Surround yourself with these people, and you will feel better for it… especially if you are one of them.